Endings and Beginnings

a part of me had died, when he passed away...

jan 6: that 2:30am phone call that shook my world upside down. my mom said my dad did not make it to the hospital. the doctor said he was DOA and it was either cardiac arrest or stroke. for a few seconds, no words came out of my mouth. i cannot believe any of the words i heard. it seemed surreal. i felt so helpless being thousands of miles away. i wanted to fly. this is the first time i cried so hard that my heart was pounding so strong, i was afraid i'd collapse. my thoughts were running loose on whys and hows. i never felt so confused and sad in my life. i cried til my tears ran dry... i call it the morning of mourning.

jan 7: while i was packing, i kept crying as i ran my hands on many of the souvenirs i kept for tatay for my scheduled trip to the phils in april. i wanted him to see the brochures i got from germany. he'd love that. i got him him various herbs from morocco. and of course, i kept many of dubai magazines for him...

jan 8: that day when i did not want the airplane to land. i just wanted it to go round and round and round and mask the reality of death that i was about to face. call me coward, but at that time, yes, i was. hours later, the inevitable came. i saw him face to face. i wanted to regale him with many stories...it's too late...i still hugged him, kissed him, but now he's now cold as ice and and hard as wood. oh, the depths of the pains of death, only those who has experienced it can fully fathom.

jan 12: we buried him. it was raining so hard, as if the heavens were crying with us...

all throughout the ordeal, God has been our comfort and strength. i have faith that all the small and big things that come with this event is in His hands, and that it will turn out in the end for His glory, and our good. there are many questions left unanswered, but that is the opportunity to exercise my faith.

my family, especially my mom, has been faithfully upheld by God. i know my pain is incomparable to the pain she experienced. and i am greatful to God and for the prayer of friends and relatives that saw us through...

now, a month after, we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.... we are seeing new beginnings...

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in behalf of my family, my hearfelt gratitude to all of you who have shared with our sorrows, who expressed their sympathies and support, and who have shown us that death is not the end of things... it is but a start of a new beginning...

Regret and Thanksgiving

i thank God for leading me to the church i attend to right now, but i regret not looking hard enough for it the past years...

i thank God for giving me the opportunities to be utilized for His kingdom, but i regret succumbing to lazyness during the first months...

i thank God for the faithful people i encountered who stand as witnesses of His grace, but i regret having prejudiced them at one point in time...

i thank God for opening my eyes to more of His wondrous truths in His words and in the faithful preaching of the words, but i regret missing worship days and missing devotion times...

i thank God for the families and friends who came to know Him, but i regret passing up the opportunity to witness to others...

i thank God for keeping me in the race, but i regret the times when i lost the battle and stayed limping when He has given me all the provisions to stand up...


as the year closes, i wanna thank, honor and worship our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ for all these spiritual gifts and graces which i am unworthy of...

as to my regrets, i sincerely ask for His forgiveness. i also ask for His mercy and grace to make right the wrongs of yesterday... welcome 2008!