Can Friends be Lovers?

oh, the perennial question that tickles the minds of those in a girl-guy relationship! i've been in that situation and i can symphatize with the sleepless nights, the marathon of analysis of what-ifs, and the daydreaming portion of a happy-ever-after.

and my answer to this? YES, it is possible, but not always the case! it takes divine intervention for it to really work and for you to know it without sweating an effort at all! ;)

i've always had close guy friend. and having three brothers around has somehow helped me how to deal with this situation... not that they taught me how, but it helped me understand guys a bit. i do not say i've always been in control of the situation (coz who says you can always control that deceitful heart?), but i've pretty much passed most of my friendships with flying colors and has kept these close guy friends longer than my exes...

if i just like him as my best friend, nothing more, how do i avoid him misinterpreting my actions and words?
when i've a close guy friend whom i see only as a friend (after months and months of looking at a romantic angle to no avail), i make sure it is clear to him. how? i do not cross the boundary of physical friend zone, like casual hugging and holding hands. why? because even if it is harmless for me, it may be encouraging for the other party. also, i do not cross the boundary of conversational friend zone, like talking to him as if he's my BF.

ladies, do not be selfish that you are only thinking of expressing yourself to your 'best friend", oblivious of its effect on the other party. be very careful, in the same way that you yourself do not want to get mixed signal from your guy-friend and be hurt in the end, right? do not simply indulge in this "best friend" zone. with privilege, comes responsibility. remember too that the difference between best friend and romance is really just thin-line, thin ice, and if the feeling is not shared by both--- you can be losing a very important relationship because of carelessness and selfishness.

what if i feel something for my guy best friend and i'm not sure if the feeling is mutual?
now, this is a killer-- if not handled well! and i had one friendship 6-ft below the ground now because of my immaturity! anyways, i suggest that being his friend, stick to the facts first. if you really know him, you will know if he likes you. he will drop hints if he does not know your feeling for him, and he will look for encouragement and hope before he drops the real bomb...

so do not delude yourself of reading-too-much-between-the-lines. guys are usually wired simply, unlike us. they do not go the lenghts of scheming things in order to let their feelings be known to you. do not rob off your friendship of its current joys because of "malicious thoughts". do not go inventing sweet dreams, when reality does not support it. do not think for him and do not start sewing facts together. do not spend sleepless nights trying to analyze things, coz really, he just might not be thinking about you and you end up feeling unfair!

instead, pray for it, and do not mess up with your close friendship! let Him do His work, let Him freely work out His great design. in the first place, the worst case scenario if it is not His will is, is that he will still be your best friend-- which isn't really bad after all!

i've always been a believer of guy doing the first move, because if he really really like you ENOUGH, he will make the move however much "torpe" he is. so let him do the chasing. but i also believe that girls can encourage and do their part in making it easy on the "torpeng" guys--- only if you really like the guy.


what if my best friend told me he likes me more than friends, but i do not feel the same?
put yourself in his shoes and you will be reminded to handle this well. he went thru all the troubles, and really, it took a lot of guts from him to do this, so if you will decline him, decline him squarely but gently. be honest, but be gentle. be firm, but be gentle. this is not just another guy, but a real close friend with whom you shared part of your life with.



oh well, this is not a list of what-to-dos but simply a sharing of how i did it in mine. but still, no situation is ever identical, so play it by ear, be guided and be brave for the circumstances ;)